Taylor's Dear John...Sour Grapes or Tall Tale?

From day to day the tabloid and gossip machine churns and spurts out the daily, if not periodic spin to grab the attention of the pop culture audience. There are those who are chomping at the bits for their daily dosage of "who did who wrong" sensationalism spins as well as the latest paparrazis photo exploits to get the adrenaline pumping and the gossip machine cranking full speed ahead.  It seems the majority of those who report and could make a positive difference in pop mania instead seek to kill inspiration or at least place a chilling effect on it. 

Today the pop world is abuzz about the purported calling out of John Mayer in Taylor Swift's new song entitled "Dear John". For those who don't know,Mayer  has written a number of inspiring songs that have been warming the hearts of fans for years. But you may not know this if you focus entirely on the constant spin of dating news that seems to circulate without end throughout the mediasphere. You almost have to conduct your own independent research.

 I've skimmed through most of the spins about Taylor's purported song about John and the two being romantically linked, including the Perez Hilton account as well as the other web gossip magazines and even some new faces in the category.  Its good to keep abreast about what is happening in pop culture across the spectrum. Today's stories on this topic  range from how John Mayer has broken the heart of a young teenager to whether the two were dating, were romantically linked or have had sex. The song is on her forthcoming album and the lyrics must have been burning a whole in someone's pocket to be released because they have been tossed around the web like wildfire and have really caused a stir. If only there was another way to leak a song to the public and get such undivided attention. Go figure!

The word is and once again John Mayer has been denigrated and reduced to an insensitive and non-caring cad. Those who have met and know John are probably thinking to themselves "Here we go again with the pop spin which is in his case often laced with a good amount of  shock value and sensation to get and keep people buzzing about the incident for days.  In this case and so many others in the recent past,it seems John has taken more than his fair share of these kinds of hits to his character.  Even if its true, there should be more an effort to tone it down than to fire it up.That he would break the heart of America's pop princess on the heel of another,well, is of course being touted as and really is unthinkable. My response is this,there are several songs on Taylor's upcomong CD "Speak Now".  There was also a song that she sang on the Video music awards that even though was an act of forgiving Kanye West  could have very well had John's name on it as well. John was 32 at the time she wrote and sang that very same song for Kanye who is also 32 . In the song she refers to the man to whom she sings it as an innocent and as being 32. See my previous blog post about that below.

My point is before the pop culture medium is filled with speculation that could impact a sensitive singer songwriter's reputation and image,and perhaps undeservedly so,at least give a listen to the other songs. Also, be circumspect about jumping on the bandwagon of any spin without doing your research and due diligence. You just may discover that you have a substantive angle to share that could possibly blow the previous spin out of the water. And, even if you don't care to take the time,at least give the person accused the benefit of the doubt until you get the complete story.

Incidentally, you can find the lyrics to "Dear John" here.

Dear John


I see it all now that you're gone

Don't you think I was too young

To be messed with

The girl in the dress

Cried the whole way home

I should've known.
It was wrong

Don't you think nineteen's too young

To be played

By your dark, twisted games

When I loved you so.



My mother accused me of losing my mind

But I swore I was fine

You'll add my name to your long list of traitors

Who don't understand

And I'll look back in regret

I ignored what they said 'Run as fast as you can."


 My previous article about Taylor's song forgiving Kanye West can be found here.http://cynthiadwilson.blogspot.com/2010/09/song-for-kanye-its-about-forgiveness.html

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Song for Kanye: It's About Forgiveness

Cyber Bullying of a Different Color

 I started blogging about my cyberbullying experiences several months ago before it reached the current "tipping point". I posted a series of notes on my wordpress blog which I have lately been unable to access,even with my password. I can go on about similar incidences on the web since this entire ordeal with "tracked" and "blocked" internet surfing began.

It seems law suits are now being filed left and right,organizations are forming coalitions with others to create more powerful and united fronts in opposition to it. I am relieved to see this momentum developing and hope that it will continue with gusto and needed consistency. It is unfortunate that a young girl dying from Hodgkins Lymphoma--only seven(7) years old at that,and a young college freshman who plunged to a cold and desolate death,jumping from the heights of the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River, had to be the latest victims in what has been a growing evil streak in cyberspace communication. It has been taking the web by storm for months.

Before these latest two incidents, a fifteen year old girl committed suicide after being taunted by jealous schoolmates making subtle suggestions that she die.  I have received a bitter dose of  over  the past nine(9) months. The type of cyberbullying to which I  have been subjected is a four (4) headed  hybrid involving bullying that overlaps into the areas of harassment,stalking and hacking. My personal computer was hacked into,all of my email accounts invaded,several of my blogs made inaccessible at the whim of the bullies, insinuations made about my death and entire blog articles deleted before my very eyes with some sort of sophisticated gadgetery used to interfere with my typing of the words into the blogging interface. If these things were not enough, I  had blog posts stickied and maintained as highlighted articles against my wishes so that my blog was given a certain image and tone against my will.  I was repeatedly bombarded with either flashing light signals,which caused problems with my vision.  There were also at times arrows pointing to black colors or photos of black people which led me to believe that the bullies were trying to convey that this action was being taken and I had been targeted because I was black.

 Fortunately, I did keep a daily account of my experiences in memos and sometimes lengthy letters which I wrote in righteous indignation and sometimes total outrage at the pure callousness of the actions. You are not supposed to respond. However, I was trying to work out a solution and make peace with whomever they were while also ministering to them as best I could under the circumstances.  I would not advise it.  It never seemed to work anyway.

If that is not enough,my wireless signals were consistently interfered with. I got the distinct impression that  my internet  wireless signals were being intentionally blocked, my internet surfing was under seige and I was being held as a digital hostage. There were many times that I had to use a public access computer to handle all of my internet communications because my computer signals had been blocked.

I shared my experiences with friends. I sought legal counsel. I searched for advice and at times I just layed low.  I stopped frequenting places,social networks and communities on the web that I love as well. One of the frequent responses I received was to stop visiting the regular site, delete all email accounts,buy another computer, report it to cyber crimes bureaus, file a lawsuit...Some of the advice I followed. My problem was I did not who the bullies were. I had no name,no face,not even a screen or user name to give me a frame of reference.I had people going through my personal,private documents on my computer and blocking my access to the net. I had them to greet me at my email accounts before I even arrived. All of this caused me considerable emotional distress and interfered with my work flow and productivity. Being bullied and constrained as to where you can and can not surf on the internet,what you can and can not write is a confining and draining experience. While these actions have not driven me to suicide, they have coerced me into taking actions that have compromised my freedom on the internet without a hearing or advance notice. In addition to that I have been denied the opportunity to confront the ones violating my rights in a fair and open manner.

There is something fundamentally wrong with that. The web is too valuable as a means of communication in our daily lives to be abused in this manner. There is no way that anyone should have  access to the web blocked and not know who is doing it and for what purpose. If a person knows why they are being blocked ,perhaps some kind of peace can be worked out. However, if it is just to trip a person up,to hinder their progress and render them ineffective competition in vying for a business position or contract,it becomes  even more ominous. That is a flagrant violation of another person's rights and not behavior which the courts or other enforcement aga\encies should take lightly.

Congressman Conyers in the Neighborhood

 I was happy to run into the Dean of Congress, political icon the late Congressman John Conyers at one of his favorite coffee hang outs, the local Starbucks.Circa 2008.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum:Do You Know Who Your Friends Are?

With the apparent rise of  teen suicide,severe depression and the report of other emotional disturbance as a result of harm done by so-called friends on the web,there is a need for  heightened involvement by the authorities and those in the  grass roots web community who will join forces and make the internet a safer,more quality medium of communication.

The news about the young man who committed suicide is particularly distressing.  The act of recording his sexual intercourse with another man by webcam to expose and embarass was a cruel and reprehensible act. Distraught about how his privacy was invaded and his life put on display on the social network Facebook, he plunged to a cold and horrible death. That another human being's action could cause another to take their own life sends chills up my spine and should be galvanizing decent,caring and  concerned  people to take constructive action about the current state of internet communication and the glaring violations of privacy our current culture appears to promote. There is a need to protect by passing and enforcing needed laws. In addition, outreach programs have to be initiated on the net to educate the public while also closely monitoring such harmful, if not outright illegal behavior. Suicide as a means of solving the problem seems to be growing at an alarming rate. It has to be unacceptable. There is a need for immediate action to protect  the vulnerable by passing and enforcing needed laws. In addition, outreach programs have to be initiated on the net  and at educational institutions across the globe to closely monitor unethical and unlawful conduct,especially that conducted in secret and under cover with the aim of harming others.


I speak so passionately about the subject because I have been a victim,yes victim of cyberstalking and internet stalking over the past eight months and have suffered tremendous emotional distress from the actions of people I do not know and did not invite knowingly into my "cyberpace." Or, I may have had contact with them,but they are not and have not forthrightly identified themsleves.  While I have not had anyone to knowingly record me in that way that the student in New Jersey has, I have had people to hack into my computer,rifle through my personal and business files and to commandeer all of my email accounts ,sorting through and reading personal and business mail as if my business was their business.I have had death threats made against me and my family through inuendo and insinuation through the use of internet ads and the strategic placment and veering of articles on certain internet pages. I have been forced to read certain articles and headlines over others in a method that makes it clear and confusing at the same time, increasing  fear and distress. 

Then there are those who use the net often,especially teens who conduct most of their business and social life via the web.  They often just don't know and have not been sufficiently trained about internet protocol or the rights of others.This ignorance  has contributed to the alarming rate of internet crimes. But most times it seems they are motivated by an evil desire to cause hurt to others.The other part of the equation is that there are the slick perpretrators who have taken full advantage of what others don't know and combining it with their knowledge of the loopholes, have made internet surfing at times a "wild,wild west". Add to that a lack of rules of engagement for identification and rampant anonymity and those who roam the internet seeking victims,have pretty much free reign to harass,intimidate and bully as they please without being traced.

Several of my friends know about the challenges I have faced over the past several months with internet harassment and cyberbullying.Like so many who have been targeted for this kind of treatment,I have often felt isolated and alone. Some of the questions and responses I have recieved when sharing my ordeal have not only aroused righteous indignation, but also have served to increase initial apprehensions about opening up and revealing my experiences. While I have sought legal help and advice, internet law is a very specialized field. You would be suprised how many "heavy weight" attorneys do not practice internet law, are unaware of internet privacy rights, protocol and generally shy away from claims of harassment  on the net.

The long and short of it is that there is an increasing disregard for the privacy of individuals and this brutish way of  harassing,intimidating and forcing people to do things against their will or to commit suicide either physically or digitally is an alarming indicator of a deteriorating society.

Do you really know who your friends are? That question applies to real time and  virtual friends that are accumulated so quickly and effortlessly on the internet through social networks,message boards and forums. Be mindful of that as you engage and interact with people on the internet. Also pray for your friends,positive and enriching internet  experiences and that god will guide you into the kind of experiences that will help you to flourish in the digital age.

I extend a special prayer to Tyler Clementi's family, his friends and the Rutgers University community at this time.  I also pray that ways will be made to prevent this kind of tragedy from happening in the future online or off. 

Oprah,Zuckerberg Set Tone for Big Giving to Schools

Photo Source

Photo Source

The increasing trend of big giving among those who can well afford to give and put loads of cash into  social improvement as well as "money where their mouth is" is encouraging. The fact that a good deal of the money has been earmarked and dedicated to bettering public education not only speaks to the need for the shift in focus to public education as a giving piority in our country,but an area in need of care and attention.. The timing coincides remarkably with the release of the movie documentary "Waiting for Superman" ,which is an expose on the state of our public schools by Guggenheim, the director of  the award-winning "Inconvenient Truth" as well as "The Social Network" a movie about Facebook,its founders,including Mark Zuckerberg  and how it came to be.

Oprah's  recent gift of 6 million to Chicago area schools is one act in a long list of humanitarian giving which has been a signature of the trailblazing and award-winning talk shoe host since she came to prominence some 25 years ago.  She definitely started the trend of generosity among talk show hosts on television,especially with her car giveaway episode and countless others where the audience was generously provided goods and promotional giveaways. Zuckerberg  is a new arrival in the billionaire category. Founder of the social network Facebook,  the buzz is that the movie paints him in an unflattering manner. The 100 million dollar gift is a welcome and hopeful sight to those in the New Jersey schools system. At he same time, it has raised questions about whether his gift is being given as a strategem for deflecting the portrayal of his character in the film.

The gifts by Oprah and Zuckerberg are without question generous. My prayer is that the schools will measurably improve as a result of the gifts.  I would also add to the prayer that the money be wisely distributed. Money is definitely a solution to a multitude of problems. It can solve lack of supplies, inadequate buildings and lack of quality pay and qualified teaching personnel. I ask that the money donated be used to increase the pay and benefits for teachers as well.

There is also a value in  strong and effective parental and community involvement.Giving money is a substantial step in the right direction. However, the money won't be of any value if there is no care or concern about how to assure that the students and teachers get the most out of it.

 By the way, I don't think to much energy should be put into the question about Zuckerberg's motives i.e., whether his huge gift is nothing more than a good PR move to counter the negative portrayal of his character in the movie. His donation has the potential to help a good deal of students get a decent education. That is where the focus should be placed.

Kudos to Oprah and Zuckerberg. He is scheduled as a guest on the Oprah show today and will be making his official announcement then.